riffs on a wound being stitched together

I was going to write about something else-but it's too soon.

I feel lonely today, almost half in-half out of the world. A fair amount should be attributed to the epic Boston-like greyness of the sky on this Friday the 13th, another amount to the lack of sleep due to working when normal people should be sleeping, and the rest to that which i will not write in detail about yet.

If i'm honest, which i will not give guarantees toward, i feel nothing. I'm not sure if the nothing i feel is a symptom of the emptiness and the lack of something, if it is merely anesthesia and will soon wear off, or if it means that i am really ok, and should forget all about this crazy business of chasing after something that i honestly wasn't 100% sure about and had talked myself into in the first place.

I'm feeling better now, if only for the addition of the coffee, and the beginning of my breakfast being consumed(very thick, very salty smoked bacon, if you are curious), and breakfast always makes me feel better, especially on dark and dreary days when all the best things seem just a little out of grasp. Thank Jesus for bacon and eggs.

Oh...Baseball

I'm wearing Chacos today. That may not mean much to you, but for me, it means that a happier time of year is just around the corner. And maybe, just maybe, i can say goodbye to boots and socks and start working on my farmer's tan in earnest. But until then, i'm dreaming of blue skies and green grass and the crack of the bat. That's right, i'm talking about baseball.

Now, you might be thinking, "Yeah? I'm a fan of baseball too-I enjoy going to games and occasionally, i'll watch a game on ESPN on Sunday nights if i don't have anything else better to do."

If that's you...then i have you beat.

In the past two weeks, i've gone a little baseball crazy. I've bought a replica Boston Red Sox road jersey bearing the name of one Curt Schilling(ed. note: yes, i know that Schilling is no longer under contract for the Sox, but i feel that i needed to make that my first jersey in return for the "Bloody Sock Game"), purchased membership in the Red Sox Nation, joined three (holy crap...three) fantasy baseball leagues, worn my Red Sox hat every single day, and i'm currently (yes, right now) watching Dice-K pitch against Korea in the World Baseball Classic on MLB.TV online (which might be the absolute coolest $110 i've ever spent on anything), and i also bought tickets to go see the Sox at Fenway, and am thinking about adding three more Sox games in Baltimore and making it a baseball adventure, complete with random minor league games every day.

Let's just say that if you cut me...i might bleed out yarn. Or cork.

Also...in other news...i bought a car on tuesday. More posts to come.

bread

do we come to the table simply

because the food we once had

was good?

because we took naps

induced by the abundance

of carbohydrates?

why is it that we bend our backs

looking either up or down

for bread from heaven?

do we really have such a lack

of trust in our friends

to not look there?

or do we just not believe

that you have been here

the whole time?

lyrics from 2-1-09

bits and pieces, broken bones

together lost and searching for a home

we sound our horns of distress

praying for an answer in the night

we built our city full of walls

tensions rage from days of old

the rockets keep on falling

we can only guess where they come from

my hands are stained

with the blood of sacrifice

and i was made 

to build this peace

with these nails

and with my flesh

given for this

given for this

you have changed our given name

taught our tongues to speak of grace

we take our swords and beat them

into bits upon your love

your hands were stained

with the blood of sacrifice

you were made

to build this peace

with these nails

and with your flesh

given for this

given for this

home

I'm back home now...things were a little crazy in the District, and i wasn't able to post an update daily like i thought i would be able to. Oh well. I'm writing them up, and will post them to this site somewhat soon. Please bear with me. 

In related news, we'll be up and running tomorrow with the song lyrics from today's church service.

lyrics from 1-11-09

At church this Sunday, we finished up the series on Jacob with the story of his wrestling with the mysterious man that both blesses and breaks him.(Editor's note: i'm not sure if this will run next week, as it depends on us going to church to create it.  i'll likely know by saturday.)Here are the lyrics from this week.

i came face to face with death

and you spared me

i am undeserving of

this blessing

and i strive against this skin

that constrains me

the knives of each breath

they kill me

over and over again

i will not let you

will not let you go

i will not let you

will not let you go

i was all alone

then you were with me

i was once at ease

but now i'm drowning

i hold fast to my life

lest you take it

you touch me one last time

i am laid waste

all my strength is gone

i will not let you

will not let you go

i will not let you

will not let you go

meditation on nehemiah 7

oh what joy it is

to come home again

to count the hairs

on every head

of every man

woman

child

see the faces

the tears

of joy of beholding

what had been long lost

and now is real again

the gates

the walls

safety

hope

life

brick

by

blessed

brick

built again

oh what joy it is

to come home again

Giddy about DC

Ok. As you may have figured out by my lack of posting Wednesday, i didn't find anything to review.(editor's note: also...the links are going to be late...think like it's really friday morning. bear with us while we get the kinks worked out schedule-wise. thanks.) Sorry. So in return for your disappointment, i thought i'd flesh out more of what i'm thinking as regards my giant trip to our nation's capital. I just booked (and therefore cemented my first night in our nation's capital) a berth in a four bed coed room in a hostel (ooh...sleeping in the same room as ladies! ooh!) a couple of blocks from Union Station, where i will come galloping in upon(inside?) my shining Amtrak Crescent steed, and finally gain my first eye looks at my Democratic Mecca(complete with the whole infidel thing as irony) that i have gone 23 and a half long years without seeing. Okay...enough of me waxing Whipple-esque about DC.

The potential highlights of the trip:

Library of Congress tour(with my old friend Katie Vance in tow, who will randomly be in town at the same time as me) at 1:45pm Jan 15.

Capitol Tour(with my friend and Missouri native Sarah Haas) at 9:30am Jan 16.

Possible excursions with my friend Joanna Tillman to points north(Philly? NYC? Wilmington? Baltimore? I have no idea?) Jan 16-17.

Donald Miller at Georgetown University on Jan 18, from 4-5 pm

Kickoff Event at the Lincoln Memorial with President-Elect Barack Obama and Vice-President-Elect Joe Biden....(with special guest Bruce Springsteen) Jan 18, afternoon(i don't know the time of this...but if this runs at the same time as Donald Miller...screw him. I'm watching Bruce Motherf'ing Springsteen.

Martin Luther King Day in Washington, D.C.…I'm likely going to the National Holocaust Museum to celebrate(read: weep like a baby). Jan 19.

The Inauguration of The 44th President Of The United States, Barack Hussein Obama; Jan 20, 10am

Getting my party on; the evening of Jan 20.

Hitting The Smithsonian like a ton of bricks; Jan 21, all f'ing day.

Riding in a train ALL DAY LONG; Jan 22nd.

I'm pretty much scared out of my mind and hopeful that everything works out...but i'm taking my 20degree sleeping bag along with me just in case. Oh, and i'm really excited to be going where so much of our country's history was made...and to walk the halls and converse with the echos of the legions and multitudes of my forefathers who sculpted this nation(for good or for bad) into what she is today. Hope this makes up for no media review or links this week. Next week will likely be completely different as well, but thank you so much for reading and being flexible with my delusional, procrastinatory self.

are we sure that this ISN'T seattle?

I'm sitting in my cousin's Starbucks, mooching off Mellow Mushroom's free wifi, and i'm about to drive over to work. It's raining outside, raining big fat raindrops, and it looks more like Seattle or Scotland today than it does Knoxville. I drive around very carefully, because of the lack of tread on the outside half of my right front tire on the Jeep. I should really get my alignment checked, but that costs money, and right now, i'm not sure how much money(other than the requisite gasoline and other assorted fluids) i want to keep sinking into my car. 

Today i met with my new small group leader out in Maryville at the Cracker Barrel near where he works. It was not breakfast time, so i got the Roast Beef Dinner, which is my all time go to meal at the Cracker Barrel. (I keep wanting to find something catchy and hip to call the Cracker Barrel, but nothing's coming at this point.) We had a good talk about our former churches and how we got burned, and also about how apparently there is a pack of single, frustrated women looting and pillaging single guys of marriagable age…which i would have no problem getting looted and pillaged by, frankly.

I've also been planning my upcoming trip to Washington, D.C., and the planning is starting to take some pretty clear shape now. I'm pretty excited, because i've never been to our nation's capital before, plus i'm going to be there for my first(hopefully of many) Presidential Inauguration. I'm still trying to iron out all of my details as far as where i'm going to be sleeping, which is kind of scary. I've even sent out a facebook message to a girl i randomly made out with, seeing if she knows anyone i could crash with, which officially means i'm desperate. I'll be leaving Knoxville either the night of the 13th, or the day of the 14th, depending on if i'm ready to go by when i have to be at work next tuesday or not. I, depending on if i have consistent wireless access, will be blogging in the schedule during my trip, and i may have a couple of fun things planned for that week on here. 

Look for my review of something tomorrow(I still don't know what i'm going to review, so sit tight), and thanks for your readership.

lyrics from 1-4-09

At Crossings, we've been going through the book of Genesis, and we are currently right in the middle of Jacob...and our pastor has this strange habit of taking the stories we've heard so many times, and show us something new. Yesterday, he talked to us about Jacob, in the middle of running for his life, laying his head on a stone, and having the "ladder/stairway to/from heaven" dream, and then how, immediately after he woke up, took the stone he was laying on, and raised it up as an altar, saying, "Surely The Lord is in this place!" The point that Mark raised was this: God IS in that place, and he has been in that place, and he's with you now, just the way that he has ALWAYS been with you.

With that, here are my lyrics.

i'm distracted by these pretty things

chasing pennies in the middle of the street

and i'm bumping heads with all my friends

because we can't look each other in the eye

and we shield our ears from the hard truth

that you are with us everywhere we go

all we need is to open up our eyes

and see that you are

and our God has

been there

all along

all along

Ch-ch-cha-changes!

I hate the idea of resolutions for the new year. 

(Something about the idea of making promises that i can't keep, which is something i always do, yet continually frustrate myself by doing.)

However, it would be the beginning of the year that I roll out a new schedule. I'm a glutton for punishment, apparently.

Some of this stuff is already in existence, but this is my first attempt at creating a solvent schedule for my writing, and hopefully it will have the desired effect of making me disciplined in my craft.

So without further adieu, here's the tentative schedule:

Mondays: 

I'll be continuing to post my song lyrics from my sermon-songwriting sessions (say that three times fast) on the next monday. I'm not guaranteeing greatness here, but i do at least hope to have coherent thoughts in a somewhat unfinished fashion.

Tuesdays:

This is my obligatory weekly update/rumination on random subject column for this blog. I'm going to try to not make it quite so much "this really grinds my gears!", but if my job ends up being a little crazier than normal, that may be the first thing to fly out the window.

Wednesdays:

I love movies...and music...and books...so on Wednesdays, you get a review. Not that i'm a professional at this sort of thing, but i'll try to give you a good idea of what i'm thinking without ruining the ending for you. 

Thursdays:

You've got other sites that you check, right? Cause I will not be posting on Thursdays. Go hang out with the good folks at Deadspin if you like sports, or The Rabbit Room if you like artsy stuff.

Fridays:

When you wake up, i'll have a giant post filled to the brim with these magical things called links. These will send you to some of the things that i've really enjoyed during the past week in the world of the intranets. Don't worry, they'll all be safe for workplace viewing.

Saturdays:

I've done my meditation on scripture for the past two saturdays over breakfast(usually a steak and egg burrito, grits and fruit, and copious amounts of coffee) at Cafe4 in Knoxville's Market Square, so this will continue to go out on Saturday mornings.

Sundays:

I will likely not be posting anything on Sunday, though i may be working on stuff for the week to come.

Well...this should be an interesting adventure, as i work at the rigors of blogging "full time". I hope to learn and grow with y'all in this process, and as always, make your voice heard in the comments.

Peace.

meditation on james 4:1-10

I Want.

do these two words

cause my death?

or just my pain?

can my desire really do such damage?

in my hands

it can

but you say

resist

draw near

submit

be humble

mourn

weep

then we will laugh

dance

feast

sing

because all our wars

will fade

in the winter's mist

in your light.