Andy Vandergriff

Note from the Editor

2010-04-28T13:09:00.002-04:00

Hello, everyone- I hope your day is going well...I know my track record with putting forth plans and making promises regarding this blog, but i do want to bring light to a couple things I'll be working on for this space coming up soon.

First: I've been given the privilege of putting together the Pre/Post Service music to be played at my church, Crossings Knoxville. I'll be working up posts for each week coming up (and also for the previous 5 weeks past) that will include Album Art, links to buy the music, and something on why I put that music into the service. These will ideally go up on Monday-Wednesday after that Sunday service.

Second: I'm trying to read more, and with that, i'll be hopefully serving up reviews of what i'm reading.

Third: I'm gonna try to do more posts like the last one, where i'm meditating on a given scripture (suggestions would be great) and writing either a prose or poetry piece and trying to look at it from some different angles and see what things look like.

Well, these are a taste of what should be coming soon-I'm pretty excited to have a reason to write again.

meditation on matthew 16:13-20

2010-04-23T18:12:00.004-04:00

I always have a hard time sleeping on friday afternoons. The combination of three or four cups of coffee at breakfast while trying to be productive downtown usually does a pretty solid number on my sleeping patterns, and leaves me in thought in the early evening when I probably should be fast asleep. One of the things that I often end up devoting some brain space to is this passage from the book of Matthew. To those of us who can't quote this from memory(myself included), here's what it says(I'm quoting from my trusty ESV1 Thinline):

"Now when Jesus came into the district of Caesarea Philippi, he asked his disciples, "Who do people say that the Son of Man is?" And they said, "Some say John the Baptist, others say Elijah, and others Jeremiah or one of the prophets." He said to them, "But who do you say that I am?" Simon Peter replied, "You are the Christ, the Son of the living God." And Jesus answered him, "Blessed are you, Simon Bar-Jonah! For flesh and blood has not revealed this to you, but my Father who is in heaven. And I tell you, you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church, and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it. I will give you the keys of the kingdom of heaven, and whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven." Then he strictly charged the disciples to tell no one that he was the Christ."

Now, before I begin, a disclaimer: These are only MY thoughts on the scripture. If you disagree with how I'm reading this(and you might well), you are MORE than welcome to do so. I'm not Jesus...just trying feebly to understand his words and to follow him.

So, to the point(s).

I almost always hear this taught as Jesus talking about Peter specifically, especially in reference to Peter being the "rock" of the church. However...what if by re-naming Peter...Peter, he was following in a vast Hebraic tradition of re-naming and naming things and people to testify to the work of God in the lives of his people? The Old Testament is FULL of instances of this, from Abraham-once called Abram, to Jacob-later called Israel, to David-who probably named every stone in Jerusalem at one point in time, not to mention Hosea-who married a prostitute (twice) and proceeded to name two of his kids Lo-ruhama (which means "no mercy"), and Lo-ammi (which means "not my people")-just to make a point. And his disciples ALL know this. They grew up in this culture of naming and renaming, and many of them already had names that were significant of not only who they were, but often of how their parents felt about their births.

So what if Jesus isn't really talking about Peter, but himself?

What if the "rock" that Jesus is building the church on is really the confession that Jesus is "the Christ, the Son of the living God"?

Would it change us?

Would we be more likely to walk through those now wide open gates of hell and seek and save our friends who don't know Jesus and are bound, blinded, and gagged by their sin?

Jesus says that he has given us-those who didn't arrive at the conclusion that Jesus is the Christ by our own wisdom and intellect-but have believed what our Father has told us about him-the keys to the kingdom of heaven.

THE keys.

Not just some of them.

All of them.

To the whole kingdom.

Keys with which to bind brokenness, oppression, hopelessness, despair, anger...

Keys with which to loose sinners from their bondage...

Would it change us?

New Things

2010-03-03T22:55:00.002-05:00

I just realized that it has been almost a year since i've turned my attention towards this space, and that lack of attention is probably a thing nearly criminal. So...we'll do a quick update.

In the past year, I have:

Bought one navy blue '98 Volvo V70 station wagon.

Kept my job at work(A small triumph, considering that i've had something like 5 or 6 coworkers lose their jobs this year).

Driven aforementioned Volvo to Iowa and back.

Attended 4 Major League Baseball games (1 in St. Louis on the way back from aforementioned Iowa trip, and 3 in Boston).

Went to Boston!!!

Ended my no-hard-liquor-policy(This also happened in Boston, and was awesome).

Toured the Samuel Adams Brewery!

Stopped pursuit of one girl(we weren't right for another, and are now friends), stole one from her boyfriend(boy, was that a mistake, and now she's back with him and having his baby), and started dating a girl who I've known for almost 20 years(and she is amazing and constantly makes me want to be a better man than I was the day before).

Led worship at Crossings Church either 3 or 4 times.

Started teaching myself how to play Golf.

Participated in my first, and sadly, my last Whiskerino(which was AMAZING, btw).

I think that's a pretty basic, but pretty solid round up of this past year. I'm gonna give this thing another crack, but don't hold your breath, people.

riffs on a wound being stitched together

2009-03-13T08:37:00.002-04:00

I was going to write about something else-but it's too soon.

I feel lonely today, almost half in-half out of the world. A fair amount should be attributed to the epic Boston-like greyness of the sky on this Friday the 13th, another amount to the lack of sleep due to working when normal people should be sleeping, and the rest to that which i will not write in detail about yet.

If i'm honest, which i will not give guarantees toward, i feel nothing. I'm not sure if the nothing i feel is a symptom of the emptiness and the lack of something, if it is merely anesthesia and will soon wear off, or if it means that i am really ok, and should forget all about this crazy business of chasing after something that i honestly wasn't 100% sure about and had talked myself into in the first place.

I'm feeling better now, if only for the addition of the coffee, and the beginning of my breakfast being consumed(very thick, very salty smoked bacon, if you are curious), and breakfast always makes me feel better, especially on dark and dreary days when all the best things seem just a little out of grasp. Thank Jesus for bacon and eggs.

Oh...Baseball

2009-03-07T05:29:00.001-05:00

I'm wearing Chacos today. That may not mean much to you, but for me, it means that a happier time of year is just around the corner. And maybe, just maybe, i can say goodbye to boots and socks and start working on my farmer's tan in earnest. But until then, i'm dreaming of blue skies and green grass and the crack of the bat. That's right, i'm talking about baseball.

Now, you might be thinking, "Yeah? I'm a fan of baseball too-I enjoy going to games and occasionally, i'll watch a game on ESPN on Sunday nights if i don't have anything else better to do."

If that's you...then i have you beat.

In the past two weeks, i've gone a little baseball crazy. I've bought a replica Boston Red Sox road jersey bearing the name of one Curt Schilling(ed. note: yes, i know that Schilling is no longer under contract for the Sox, but i feel that i needed to make that my first jersey in return for the "Bloody Sock Game"), purchased membership in the Red Sox Nation, joined three (holy crap...three) fantasy baseball leagues, worn my Red Sox hat every single day, and i'm currently (yes, right now) watching Dice-K pitch against Korea in the World Baseball Classic on MLB.TV online (which might be the absolute coolest $110 i've ever spent on anything), and i also bought tickets to go see the Sox at Fenway, and am thinking about adding three more Sox games in Baltimore and making it a baseball adventure, complete with random minor league games every day.

Let's just say that if you cut me...i might bleed out yarn. Or cork.

Also...in other news...i bought a car on tuesday. More posts to come.

bread

2009-02-08T09:20:00.002-05:00

do we come to the table simply

because the food we once had

was good?

because we took naps

induced by the abundance

of carbohydrates?

why is it that we bend our backs

looking either up or down

for bread from heaven?

do we really have such a lack

of trust in our friends

to not look there?

or do we just not believe

that you have been here

the whole time?

lyrics from 2-1-09

2009-02-04T21:07:00.001-05:00

bits and pieces, broken bones

together lost and searching for a home

we sound our horns of distress

praying for an answer in the night

we built our city full of walls

tensions rage from days of old

the rockets keep on falling

we can only guess where they come from

my hands are stained

with the blood of sacrifice

and i was made

to build this peace

with these nails

and with my flesh

given for this

you have changed our given name

taught our tongues to speak of grace

we take our swords and beat them

into bits upon your love

your hands were stained

with the blood of sacrifice

you were made

to build this peace

with these nails

and with your flesh

given for this

home

2009-01-25T09:09:00.002-05:00

I'm back home now...things were a little crazy in the District, and i wasn't able to post an update daily like i thought i would be able to. Oh well. I'm writing them up, and will post them to this site somewhat soon. Please bear with me.

In related news, we'll be up and running tomorrow with the song lyrics from today's church service.

lyrics from 1-11-09

2009-01-13T01:43:00.003-05:00

At church this Sunday, we finished up the series on Jacob with the story of his wrestling with the mysterious man that both blesses and breaks him.(Editor's note: i'm not sure if this will run next week, as it depends on us going to church to create it. i'll likely know by saturday.)Here are the lyrics from this week.

i came face to face with death

and you spared me

i am undeserving of

this blessing

and i strive against this skin

that constrains me

the knives of each breath

they kill me

over and over again

i will not let you

will not let you go

i will not let you

will not let you go

i was all alone

then you were with me

i was once at ease

but now i'm drowning

i hold fast to my life

lest you take it

you touch me one last time

i am laid waste

all my strength is gone

i will not let you

will not let you go

i will not let you

will not let you go

meditation on nehemiah 7

2009-01-11T09:17:00.002-05:00

oh what joy it is

to come home again

to count the hairs

on every head

of every man

woman

child

see the faces

the tears

of joy of beholding

what had been long lost

and now is real again

the gates

the walls

safety

hope

life

brick

blessed

brick

built again

oh what joy it is

to come home again

Giddy about DC

2009-01-09T09:32:00.001-05:00

Ok. As you may have figured out by my lack of posting Wednesday, i didn't find anything to review.(editor's note: also...the links are going to be late...think like it's really friday morning. bear with us while we get the kinks worked out schedule-wise. thanks.) Sorry. So in return for your disappointment, i thought i'd flesh out more of what i'm thinking as regards my giant trip to our nation's capital. I just booked (and therefore cemented my first night in our nation's capital) a berth in a four bed coed room in a hostel (ooh...sleeping in the same room as ladies! ooh!) a couple of blocks from Union Station, where i will come galloping in upon(inside?) my shining Amtrak Crescent steed, and finally gain my first eye looks at my Democratic Mecca(complete with the whole infidel thing as irony) that i have gone 23 and a half long years without seeing. Okay...enough of me waxing Whipple-esque about DC.

The potential highlights of the trip:

Library of Congress tour(with my old friend Katie Vance in tow, who will randomly be in town at the same time as me) at 1:45pm Jan 15.

Capitol Tour(with my friend and Missouri native Sarah Haas) at 9:30am Jan 16.

Possible excursions with my friend Joanna Tillman to points north(Philly? NYC? Wilmington? Baltimore? I have no idea?) Jan 16-17.

Donald Miller at Georgetown University on Jan 18, from 4-5 pm

Kickoff Event at the Lincoln Memorial with President-Elect Barack Obama and Vice-President-Elect Joe Biden....(with special guest Bruce Springsteen) Jan 18, afternoon(i don't know the time of this...but if this runs at the same time as Donald Miller...screw him. I'm watching Bruce Motherf'ing Springsteen.

Martin Luther King Day in Washington, D.C.…I'm likely going to the National Holocaust Museum to celebrate(read: weep like a baby). Jan 19.

The Inauguration of The 44th President Of The United States, Barack Hussein Obama; Jan 20, 10am

Getting my party on; the evening of Jan 20.

Hitting The Smithsonian like a ton of bricks; Jan 21, all f'ing day.

Riding in a train ALL DAY LONG; Jan 22nd.

I'm pretty much scared out of my mind and hopeful that everything works out...but i'm taking my 20degree sleeping bag along with me just in case. Oh, and i'm really excited to be going where so much of our country's history was made...and to walk the halls and converse with the echos of the legions and multitudes of my forefathers who sculpted this nation(for good or for bad) into what she is today. Hope this makes up for no media review or links this week. Next week will likely be completely different as well, but thank you so much for reading and being flexible with my delusional, procrastinatory self.

are we sure that this ISN'T seattle?

2009-01-06T15:16:00.004-05:00

I'm sitting in my cousin's Starbucks, mooching off Mellow Mushroom's free wifi, and i'm about to drive over to work. It's raining outside, raining big fat raindrops, and it looks more like Seattle or Scotland today than it does Knoxville. I drive around very carefully, because of the lack of tread on the outside half of my right front tire on the Jeep. I should really get my alignment checked, but that costs money, and right now, i'm not sure how much money(other than the requisite gasoline and other assorted fluids) i want to keep sinking into my car.

Today i met with my new small group leader out in Maryville at the Cracker Barrel near where he works. It was not breakfast time, so i got the Roast Beef Dinner, which is my all time go to meal at the Cracker Barrel. (I keep wanting to find something catchy and hip to call the Cracker Barrel, but nothing's coming at this point.) We had a good talk about our former churches and how we got burned, and also about how apparently there is a pack of single, frustrated women looting and pillaging single guys of marriagable age…which i would have no problem getting looted and pillaged by, frankly.

I've also been planning my upcoming trip to Washington, D.C., and the planning is starting to take some pretty clear shape now. I'm pretty excited, because i've never been to our nation's capital before, plus i'm going to be there for my first(hopefully of many) Presidential Inauguration. I'm still trying to iron out all of my details as far as where i'm going to be sleeping, which is kind of scary. I've even sent out a facebook message to a girl i randomly made out with, seeing if she knows anyone i could crash with, which officially means i'm desperate. I'll be leaving Knoxville either the night of the 13th, or the day of the 14th, depending on if i'm ready to go by when i have to be at work next tuesday or not. I, depending on if i have consistent wireless access, will be blogging in the schedule during my trip, and i may have a couple of fun things planned for that week on here.

Look for my review of something tomorrow(I still don't know what i'm going to review, so sit tight), and thanks for your readership.

lyrics from 1-4-09

2009-01-05T22:44:00.003-05:00

At Crossings, we've been going through the book of Genesis, and we are currently right in the middle of Jacob...and our pastor has this strange habit of taking the stories we've heard so many times, and show us something new. Yesterday, he talked to us about Jacob, in the middle of running for his life, laying his head on a stone, and having the "ladder/stairway to/from heaven" dream, and then how, immediately after he woke up, took the stone he was laying on, and raised it up as an altar, saying, "Surely The Lord is in this place!" The point that Mark raised was this: God IS in that place, and he has been in that place, and he's with you now, just the way that he has ALWAYS been with you.

With that, here are my lyrics.

i'm distracted by these pretty things

chasing pennies in the middle of the street

and i'm bumping heads with all my friends

because we can't look each other in the eye

and we shield our ears from the hard truth

that you are with us everywhere we go

all we need is to open up our eyes

and see that you are

and our God has

been there

all along

Ch-ch-cha-changes!

2009-01-03T10:45:00.000-05:00

I hate the idea of resolutions for the new year.

(Something about the idea of making promises that i can't keep, which is something i always do, yet continually frustrate myself by doing.)

However, it would be the beginning of the year that I roll out a new schedule. I'm a glutton for punishment, apparently.

Some of this stuff is already in existence, but this is my first attempt at creating a solvent schedule for my writing, and hopefully it will have the desired effect of making me disciplined in my craft.

So without further adieu, here's the tentative schedule:

Mondays:

I'll be continuing to post my song lyrics from my sermon-songwriting sessions (say that three times fast) on the next monday. I'm not guaranteeing greatness here, but i do at least hope to have coherent thoughts in a somewhat unfinished fashion.

Tuesdays:

This is my obligatory weekly update/rumination on random subject column for this blog. I'm going to try to not make it quite so much "this really grinds my gears!", but if my job ends up being a little crazier than normal, that may be the first thing to fly out the window.

Wednesdays:

I love movies...and music...and books...so on Wednesdays, you get a review. Not that i'm a professional at this sort of thing, but i'll try to give you a good idea of what i'm thinking without ruining the ending for you.

Thursdays:

You've got other sites that you check, right? Cause I will not be posting on Thursdays. Go hang out with the good folks at Deadspin if you like sports, or The Rabbit Room if you like artsy stuff.

Fridays:

When you wake up, i'll have a giant post filled to the brim with these magical things called links. These will send you to some of the things that i've really enjoyed during the past week in the world of the intranets. Don't worry, they'll all be safe for workplace viewing.

Saturdays:

I've done my meditation on scripture for the past two saturdays over breakfast(usually a steak and egg burrito, grits and fruit, and copious amounts of coffee) at Cafe4 in Knoxville's Market Square, so this will continue to go out on Saturday mornings.

Sundays:

I will likely not be posting anything on Sunday, though i may be working on stuff for the week to come.

Well...this should be an interesting adventure, as i work at the rigors of blogging "full time". I hope to learn and grow with y'all in this process, and as always, make your voice heard in the comments.

Peace.

meditation on james 4:1-10

2009-01-03T09:49:00.005-05:00

I Want.

do these two words

cause my death?

or just my pain?

can my desire really do such damage?

in my hands

it can

but you say

resist

draw near

submit

be humble

mourn

weep

then we will laugh

dance

feast

sing

because all our wars

will fade

in the winter's mist

in your light.

post christmas media glut

2008-12-28T22:10:00.006-05:00

One of the things that i do love about the Christmas season is the opportunity to be able to purchase all sorts of new and fun media stuff that you've either been holding off on, or not figured that you would like, but you have 50 dollars sitting in your wallet, and maybe an itunes gift card or two that say in a rather convincing manner, "Hey...roll the dice on that..."

So of course, like any self-respecting music lover, i shrug my shoulders and say, "Why not?"

Here's what i got today.

DVD's:

Bruce Springsteen Live In Dublin(with the sessions band)

This is The Boss live with the band he recorded his Pete Seeger cover record with. I don't know about you folks, but Springsteen hangs the moon for me, and he is one of two artists/bands that i would pay any amount to see live(the other being U2).

Heima: A Film By Sigur Ros

I saw the trailer for this a while ago...and the cinematography alone was the most beautiful thing i had seen in a long while. If you're shooting in the countryside of Iceland and you don't have amazing cinematography, you should probably not be in the film business. Anyway, take that cinematography and add in an hour and a half of music played by Sigur Ros...and you have a combination sure to make me weep really hard.

How I Met Your Mother: Season Two

How I Met Your Mother: Season Three

This is by far my favorite show on tv. My buddy Joe showed me the episode titled "Slapsgiving" from Season 2, which i loved, and caused me to track down every episode i could find and watch them, which took about a week to do. These haven't arrived yet, but i look forward to setting the hook deep into my friends regarding this show's amazingness. If i had to give a summary based on stuff that you might have seen before, i'd tell you that it's like Friends, but it's not all chick-y, and it's funnier than The Office, or at least more consistently funny.

CD's:

V.O.L by Vigilantes Of Love

This is a greatest hits collection of sorts for the 1990's folk band The Vigilantes Of Love. All my friends keep telling me that i need to jump in to their catalogue, so this blessed $3.95 used pick up is step 2 of the process(I bought their record "Killing Floor" on itunes; it's not a collection of songs about using a jackhammer, as far as i can tell).

New Connection by Todd Snider

My coworkers(and friends) Nathan and Roger are both huge fans of Snider's particular flavor of honky-tonk. And with songs like "Beer Run" (b-double e-double r-u-n, beer run!), i think i am as well.

Making Movies by Dire Straits

My aquaintance-that-i-only-see-once-a-year-yet-read-his-blog-and-listen-to-his-music-and-sometimes-randomly-send-money has "Romeo and Juliet" listed as one of his top 5 favorite songs. Thanks to the wonderfulness that is Pandora, i now agree.

Oh Mercy by Bob Dylan

Let's see here: You take Bob Dylan, who is probably the most famous songwriter of the 20th century(Irving Berlin, your work was simply too soon. Sorry.), and you pair him up with the producer of two of the biggest band on earth's best records(Daniel Lanois, for those who aren't keeping up with my line of logic), and you should probably get a pretty damn great record.

Pet Sounds by The Beach Boys

I always read these lists that proclaim this record to be one of the top 5 best records ever made in the history of rock 'n roll. I call that fairly high praise for any record. However, I've always been more of a fan of the contributions of the British Empire to rock 'n roll history(The Beatles, The Who, Cream, The Yardbirds, The Rolling Stones, Coldplay, Radiohead(thom yorke is screaming right now because i just placed his band behind Coldplay, but i don't care), and been rather inclined to ignore The Beach Boys simply on name alone. I don't know that this record will make me want to run out and purchase a Hammond B-3 and spend years obsessively working on a record, but learning the words to the songs should suffice.

Lie Down In The Light by Bonnie "Prince" Billy

I was patronizing my favorite restaurant downtown (Cafe4) for breakfast this past saturday, and my friend Rob was my server (you should go listen to his music, he's a great singer-songwriter (ha!)), and he had this record on in the background, and i liked it enough to download it off itunes using my aforementioned gift card. Don't let the strange moniker distract you(his real name is Will Oldham, and he apparently has quite an extensive discography, according to wikipedia), it's a great folk album.

The Sparrow And The Crow by William Fitzsimmons

This record came highly recommended to me by a couple of friends. Oddly enough, it was his impressive beard-growing ability that led me to buy the record. As a fellow bearded man, i gotta keep it in the brotherhood. As far as what exactly "it" is, i have no idea.

Books:

The Year Of Living Biblically by A.J. Jacobs

Speaking of men with impressive beard growing ability: this book by an editor/writer for Esquire Magazine chronicles his yearlong experiment to live the Bible as literally as possible. I'm about a quarter of the way through, so it remains to be seen whether it actually happens or not.

Prayer by Richard J. Foster

I've been chasing a used copy of this since 2004, when i first heard it spoken about in my religion classes at Carson-Newman. I finally found one for a reasonable price, so i bought it, and i'm eager to dig in, though i fear this becoming much like Celebration of Discipline(also by Foster), in that i carry the book around, intending to read it, but not doing so.

Jayber Crow by Wendell Berry

My best friend Adam often talks about how great a writer Wendell Berry is, and how rich and authentic his characters are written. That's fairly high praise from him, since he is quite an author himself(Adam. This is me reminding you to email me that chapter from your book), as well as an amazing singer-songwriter(with a new album called Old Skin Horse that he has about a thousand copies of that he would love to sell to you good people).

Collected Poems by Wendell Berry

I got this for good measure. Poems are always good for me to take and chew around, and glean all the flavor. Small bites are recommended.

Alright…this ends the marathon of this second media post. I hope you made it through alright. Later this week(as this will likely have a publish date of Sunday), i'll conclude my catching you up on what happened with TGCSO'08(The Great Church Search Of '08), and continue the weekly song lyric series.

updates

2008-12-27T17:36:00.003-05:00

I've been tinkering around with the layout of this thing for over an hour now, and i'm still not quite happy with it yet. However, that's not what i'm here to write about. I promised an update with me, and i'm fulfilling that promise.

Since I wrote an update, i went on full time at KARM (where i've now been employed for a year and a month...which is good for the longest that i have ever worked at a job) as a hospitality team leader, found a church home, and fell in love.

Okay, the last one is a lie. (Oh that it weren't, though.)

However, work is challenging as all get-out, and that made the imperative to find a church community all the more strong, as i could easily see myself getting beaten all to hell with the various stresses that are common to my job. Right now, i'm sitting in the shared Team Leader office working my sunday morning midnight to 8am shift with staff in each of our dorms(men's and women's), and me manning the lobby(there should be a staff member at the front desk...but apparently that's a luxury my bosses have yet to afford me in the past month). I still don't feel as if i've got my feet underneath me in this role, especially in the area of how much power i have when i'm on my shift(which is also kind of crazy for me to think about), and what needs to happen when the unthinkable should happen(cause, after all, i am responsible for somewhere in the neighborhood of 350 people on a nightly basis). Plus, i also have to stay up and alert all night, which can be difficult, even for a night owl like me.

But...that's the easy shift.

My hard shift is the 4pm to midnight shift that i work on tuesday and wednesday nights. From 4:30 pm to about 9pm, it's nearly non-stop movement. I'd like to find an athletic metaphor for the difference between the two...but i haven't yet. I'll probably be writing more about this shift in the future, so excuse the lack of a three paragraph breakdown of what happens on the shift in this space.

So that brings me to what was a rather anticlimactic end to the "Great Church Search of '08". Basically how it went was this: I pretty quickly took all the churches that i had been to before out of the weekly drawing in favor of not having my search last until March '09 (because, after all...it was the "Great Church Search of '08" not the "Great Church Search of '08-'09"...little difference...but it made all the difference, if you know what i mean).

With the previously attended churches out of the way, that narrowed it down to Grace Community Church, Redeemer Presbyterian, Crossings Church, and Knoxville Life Church. I drew the names out of a hat, and that was the order they came out in. I'll write about each experience seperately, because the length is beginning to need the space of a full post about each.

(editor's note: the aforementioned posts have been dated a day after the visit: this places the posts in November, so if you scroll down, you'll see them. Thanks again for visiting.)

meditation on isaiah 55

2008-12-26T09:08:00.000-05:00

In case you didn't notice...i haven't posted in quite a long while. My apologies. This is the first post of a new series of meditations on Scripture.

why is it that i thirst?

is it for this coffee, or for something more?

what is this that i am hungry for?

steak? eggs? life? hope?

am i getting my money's worth here?

not my money necessarily, but my time?

we just had christmas...did we buy good things?

am i making good music?

am i serving well?

loving well?

am i even listening?

it's raining outside, and the grass is eating the bread of the earth and drinking your wine and your milk-and it's free-free from the palm of your hand.

it's raining outside, and we wear various fabrics and animal skins to protect us from the rain-and we grumble and moan-and you laugh.

you laugh at our silliness-at our foolishness.

and you weep.

you weep because our moans are not at our own foolishness-to chide us out of punching you in the face with our disrespect-but because our moans are at you-full of wrath for the inconvenience you have caused us.

oh that we would seek you!

oh that we would be found in you!

oh that we would hide ourselves in the palm of your hand!

oh that we would listen to your words-that they would sprout back forth from our hearts-30 fold-60 fold-100 fold!

oh that we would start putting our money where our mouth is-and worship you in obedience!

then we would find peace.

not our pitiful, putrid peace that shrivels and shrinks from the first challenge-but your easy, everlasting peace that stands firm like an oak no matter how the winds may buffet.

then we would be able to smile at each other.

laugh freely.

know each other without the fear of judgement.

then joy would find its meaning in the interaction of the sons and daughters of Jesus.

come, Lord Jesus.

come.

so much for that whole girl thing...

2008-11-10T16:29:00.001-05:00

(editor's note: these posts were recollected and written on december 28th in the early am while keeping myself awake through a graveyard shift at work. the post date reflects the day of the actual event.)

After getting diverted at practically the last second last week, i was pretty excited to finally go to Grace Community Church for a couple of reasons. One, i was excited to see my friend Will Reagan, who leads worship there; and Two, the possibility of seeing a girl who actually recognized me by name after at least 4 years, and getting to follow up with that.

So i get there about 10 minutes early, and there's still not a lot of people there, but Will is there, and i make small talk with him about how he just got back in the country(he's quite the globetrotting fellow...it seems like he's always either about to leave for somewhere foreign, or he's just come back), while scanning the room for the aforementioned girl. As the service begins, there's no sign. I shouldn't have been surprised. We settle into the music. There are some simple songs (that i'm assuming that Will himself has written) that are quite powerful, and some old standard contemporary stuff and a hymn mixed in. The people of the congregation are all friendly, and all want to know who i am and what i do, which can be kind of intimidating, not to mention repetitive, what with saying "hi, how are you" over and over again.

I don't remember much of the verbatim of the pastor's sermon, but i do have a song from it. The previous week, something the pastor at Redeemer said sparked an idea, so i wrote that image down, and when i got home, i ended up adding some lines to it. I should go back and edit that post to include those lyrics. At any rate-here's the song from Grace Community Church.

Peace Will Come(John 14:27)

baking in the desert sand and sun

reeling from a life lived on the run

in this life of chaos

i am begging for a change

i've always been your wayward son

with words of war upon my tongue

i will swing this sword

until my thirst is quenched

oh God your hand avails for me

you made me friend not enemy

and in the midst of struggle

you have overcome

so let not my heart be troubled

let not my sin destroy this hope

peace will come oh peace will come

peace will come

Next up is Crossings Church, and the conclusion of "The Great Church Search of '08".

Really? A Retreat?

2008-11-03T14:30:00.000-05:00

I went to Grace Community the first sunday, and got there about 15 minutes before start time for their service, only to be bewildered as to where all the cars were. Seriously, it was 15 minutes before service, and there were 5 cars in the parking lot. So i sat in my Jeep for about 2 minutes listening to NPR before i decided to go in. I was met by the fellow that was running the service that day, who introduced himself (because he hadn't seen me before, and i have the feeling that a random person dropping into a small church service is rather uncommon), and i asked him, "So...there's like three people here. What gives?" He then informed me that most of the church was on a weekend retreat, but i was welcome to come in for the service. I politely declined, but said that i would be back the next week for service.

Now...I am all about retreats...but that must have been some retreat to knock out nearly the entire church for a sunday.

If you're paying attention, you are likely wondering, "where on earth did you go to church? did you even go to church?"

In answer to your hypothetical question, yes, i did. I moved Redeemer Presbyterian up a week, and had 15 minutes to get there, which if you've seen/heard/felt the recent state of my Jeep lately, you know that in and of itself is a bit of a dodgy proposition.

But i did manage to heave my Jeep from Fountain City to Fort Sanders in time to park in a visitor space and walk in before the music started (i'm running low on suspense tonight, sorry). I walked in, looking for anyone that i knew, and ended up seeing my former manager at River Sports, Matt McSpadden, and ended up sitting beside him and his mom.

Now for the review part of the service: I liked the music, very indelible grace/ruf inspired, and enjoyed that they did liturgy(which i don't get to partake in very often), and generally liked the pastor. Plus they did communion. Big deal.

I think you should do communion every service, and you should make it a big deal, and i like churches that do that.

Also...this post marks the first installment of the Sermon Song/Poem of The Week. I'm trying to use my sleep-deprivedness as a catalyst for art to unfold its wings during the sermon i hear each week. Plus, this should help me internalize the sermon by doing some auto-application in the form of writing the song. Here's this week's.

barking like a dog on a chain

screaming with my bad eyes for relief

i'm bathing in the mud like a swine been given wings

touch me with your hand and set me free

i'm hungry for the food on my tv

but in my house there's enough to eat

i long to entertain the lie that i don't have all i need

touch my lips and set me free

set me free from the things that steal and kill

set me free to embrace my joy in you

It's quite unfinished, and needs at least another verse and a bridge, but anyway...tune in in a couple hours for the story of the next week.

Sevier Heights

2008-10-31T08:26:00.003-04:00

Ok...this would have come earlier, but i decided on a whim to go to Georgia for a Chick-fil-a grand opening with a buddy of mine(which i'll probably blog about sometime soon...like probably tonight or tomorrow).

Let's get down to it:

I got there early to the 930am service, and checked in at the visitors booth, introduced myself and asked for directions to the Bible Fellowship(read: sunday school) classroom that the class for my age group met at, and was shown to the class by a gentleman named Doug(i think...it's been nearly a week and not a lot of sleep since). After Doug(i'm running with it) walked me back down to the lobby(narthex, foyer, lounge, corridor, gathering area) of the church, he asked me if i had any questions that i could answer for him(which i didn't, seeing as i am both anal-retentive and methodical to nearly a fault), and then i went into the sanctuary. I chose a seat in the back half, in the end of the first third of the rows on the riser at the back, about 4 seats to the inside of the right side of the section. I was bookended by two couples, one retired(on my right), and another expecting(on my left).

The service started with organ. Let it be said here: the only organ that i like is a Hammond B-3 played through a Leslie speaker. That was not that kind of organ. Not a good start for the Baptists. The music was blended, and really done well. It's a big church, with a big budget for this kind of stuff, and it shows. Instrumentation was performed by a full orchestra, and was backing what was at least a 250 member choir. (Adam, if you're reading this...a good summary would be: take everything that your dad has ever tried to do musically at Salem, and do it better than anyone could ever imagine possible.)

The pastor of the church spoke about money, which i don't mind...but i don't know...when you're making as much as i've heard he makes...it sort of sounds a little hollow. But i digress-the sermon wasn't really all that interesting anyway.

After the service, I went to the Young Singles class that met at 1100am. I had a good experience, some of the folks were friendly to me, and i was clinging rather closely to the cup of coffee that i had run across in the hall. However...i just don't think it's what i'm looking for. If you're looking, be warned...the church does present itself to be a little more contemporary than it really is. The print stuff that i've seen from there(all the visitor mailings i received this week) is phenomenal. And the facilities are brand new and have that sort of "modern evangelical" look to them. However, it's only a really good Southern Baptist Church. There's nothing wrong with that, and if you're looking for that, then you've found a good one there. But it does not make it to Round 2.

The Great Church Search Of 2008 pt.1

2008-10-26T05:15:00.001-04:00

So...in the time that has passed inbetween posts, quite a lot has happened.

I ended up lasting on staff at my last church for about a month and a half longer, before my staff parish committee decided not to renew my contract, in favor of opting for a more traditional worship style. I'm often tempted to flame my former employer and church, but...i'm better than that(i think...). At any rate, i was nearly bending over backwards to fulfill the requests given to me, and i know that i could not have gone any further down the road towards a traditional style service and been happy and felt like my gifts were at all being used.

I also flirted with a possibility at another Methodist church in Maryville, but i didn't follow through with it because it didn't feel right.

So that places us here, at my current conundrum.

I am a worship leader, lead YoungLife at a local high school, work at a homeless shelter...and i don't have a church.

So i've compiled a list of 10 churches that will hopefully sort out to just one in the coming months.

Oh yeah...i almost forgot: I'm choosing where i go each week by drawing names out of a hat.

Here's the list, if you're interested(and we all know you are). (and these are in no particular order.)

1. Cedar Springs Presbyterian Church-

This was my first official church visited in the Great Search Of '08. I went last week, and was really encouraged by both the worship and the sermon, even though it was apparently the b-team on both fronts because of traveling by both the senior pastor and the worship pastor, and i also had an encouraging conversation with the folks in the visitor lounge(i was the only visitor to show up, which kind of surprised me, actually).

2. Fellowship Church-

I used to go here, until i started in a small group. I didn't know any of the guys or the leader, and they made a marginal attempt at best to get to know me outside of the group, and then they started trying to speak things into my life(granted, i believe that the Holy Spirit binds the church together, and complete strangers can be given knowledge by the Spirit for each other(i've seen it happen), but still...), and without that relationship outside of the small group to build on, their advice didn't really sit that well on my heart. However, the pastors and worship folks i am very familiar with, and hold in high regard. So there's that.

3. Antioch Community Church-

I also used to go here, and still have many friends(and some family) that i care about that go here. I was deep in the fabric of the church, and in some leadership stuff there(lived in a discipleship house, led worship for a small group), but God grew me a different direction than the church was growing. I also differ with the leadership on a number of points of methodology, but i dealt with that stuff for 2 years, and i'm not really interested in dealing with the same differences of opinion again. However, Antioch is on the list because of the folks i know there, and because i'm not about to tell God what he's doing.

4. Powell Church-

My friend Greg Adkins is the worship pastor here, and because of that, Powell Church is on the list.

5. Knoxville Life Church-

Most of the churches that are on this list fall into a specific category: They are all recent plants(meaning they are new churches). This makes it on the list b/c of that. Oh, and they're also located downtown. That helps bunches.

6. Redeemer Church-

Yet another church plant, Redeemer is of the Presbyterian persuasion, and is located in the Fort Sanders district of Knoxville near downtown which is enough good stuff to land on the list.

7. Sevier Heights Baptist Church-

I don't think I'm going to end up at a Baptist church, but i've been to their college service a couple of times and felt welcomed and really enjoyed it, so i feel like i need to at least go and give it a try.

8. Grace Community Church-

I would be lying to you if i didn't tell you the real reason this is on the list: a girl. But then again, it's only gonna get picked if God wants me to go there on a sunday.

9. Crossings Church-

My friend Bill Wolf is the worship pastor there, and they will be moving their services to the Square Room on Market Square downtown at the beginning of the year.

10. All Souls Church-

If they met on Sunday mornings, this would be my church. Their pastor is great, and i've got some good friends that go there. But, they meet at 6pm on Sunday evenings, and since i still live in Halls, that would mean going back home and sleeping, and then waking up for church, and the additional driving would not be kind to my bank account.

Well, that's the lineup. Maybe it won't take me two months to post an update.

(actually, i'm probably going to do one middle of the week about this morning's experience-so look for that.)

First Post

2008-08-13T08:52:00.000-04:00

Good morning all-

This is my inaugural post on this here blog. Throughout the life of this blog, i'm going to try to show my life, and speak and think honestly about both life, music, and ministry.

Now, to start, some background on me:

I live in Knoxville, TN, and work at a homeless shelter downtown, in addition to my part-time job as the worship leader at a Methodist church in North Knoxville. I also am a part-time(that's a theme with me-i never can seem to commit to just one thing) singer-songwriter(I just released an ep on amiestreet.com yesterday-you can find the link on the side), and am also a YoungLife leader at a high school close to downtown.

I had a meeting with my pastor yesterday, and we talked about the direction he'd like me to take with leading worship. I like him a lot-he's about a lot of the same things i'm passionate about-teaching the bible like it is(as opposed to shaping it in our own image), seeing the lord's supper done more than just once a month, the richness of liturgy-plus he's not afraid to say to his congregation what his opinion is on a subject. I've only been on staff since the end of June, and i feel like i'm still developing a lay of the land, as far as what will work with this congregation goes. I also have a rather difficult task of trying to reshape what i do, and have always done, as far as style of worship goes. I taught myself how to lead worship in a very contemporary fashion; I lead on guitar, and am often loathe to introduce songs in any other way than just playing them. After all, the writer wrote that song to convey the message. If he/she needed to have a spoken-word introduction to the song, they would have thought of it and added it to the text. However, i'm not exactly the most comfortable speaking on stage either.

After i met with my pastor, i went shopping for some books. I'm trying to rebuild my library, after having to sell most of the good stuff away to help pay rent last year. Here's what i got:

My Beautiful Idol by Pete Gall- I'm about halfway through this-picked it up at the christian bookstore, using my 20% off "partners in ministry" discount. I'm really enjoying the challenge in this book-it's hitting me at the right time-and it's exposing some sensitive places in me(my dependence on looking good and being nice to a certain girl who lives a couple hundred miles away, and how that might be an idol that i'm keeping to myself-being one) that probably need to be cleared of all the dead flesh so that some good healing and scarring can happen. I'll probably write more about this when i finish it.

Disputed Questions by Thomas Merton- Merton was a monk who lived in Kentucky (no joke...the abbey is just east of Elizabethtown(of the movie with the same name), and where i'll likely be taking a 5 day retreat sometime during January), and some of his writing on solitude is pretty amazing. I'm not sure when i'll get to this, though.

The Little Flowers of Saint Francis- It's about St. Francis of Assisi...if you don't know who he is, you need to find out.

No Holds Barred by Mark D. Roberts- I like using...let's just say, vivid language in prayer sometimes. So the tagline "Wrestling with God in prayer", kind of appeals to me. Besides- the kid in the plaid shirt is executing a pretty perfect arm-bar on the cover of this book. Worth mentioning. This will likely be my next read, and will probably get a full review after i read it.

Red Moon Rising by Pete Greig & Dave Roberts- I already have this book, but i loaned it out to a friend of mine over a year ago, and now it's sitting on his bookshelf. I bought this copy for 75 cents, though.

Emerging Worship by Dan Kimball- I didn't buy this, i'm borrowing it from my pastor, but i felt it worth mentioning because of the topic. I'm working through it right now, and as with most things i read, i'll likely discuss it here.

With that, i'll call this a successful first post. I need to put some laundry in the washer and run toward finishing this book, in addition to planning the worship service for sunday. If you're interested in any of the books i've talked about, i've put in links so you can buy them and read them yourself. Grace and Peace to you.